Saying Goodbye

Hello for the last time from the desk of Student Activities...

I am officially moving out of this office over the weekend, and I am full of sadness and the excitement of change. I found out earlier this week that the current HS office will be relocating into my office during summer renovations to the other side of the building, which gives me only through this weekend to finish up my business for next year. I did quite well last night, working away at organizing everything- and now my main task is compiling a binder full of info for the incoming Student Activities Director.

I have written a farewell note to each senior and member of the Student Council, and I wrote a general note to each student and passed them out- so it's my feeble attempt at saying-
'I would love to stay in contact, and I'm leaving- but my heart is still here.' Because that is absolutely true. My heart will always be here, not only because I have created a family here, but also because these students are the first group of students to teach me about the innate beauty of adolescents in a poverty situation... a lesson I believe will advance my future goals of loving as many young people as possible over the course of my life. What a daunting, yet fabulous goal in life, huh?

I'm sure I will post again to wrap-up my experiences here with some reflections, but this is the last time I will sit at this desk to write my ramblings. And I have to say- I've already had more tears over leaving than some, (AJ?) :) might think possible... truly, I feel good about leaving, for the fact that it has evoked a certain honesty between the students and I. I am real about my life goals, and the life-changing impact they've all had on me, and they are real about how much they're going to miss me.

It's so beautiful....for example.... a rather quiet sophomore student council member asked me on Monday to come to her 7th hour class- and when I got there I realized she had prepared a speech she wanted me to listen to, and at first it was about her father and the guilt she felt about his life decisions. (I was moved to hear such honest words, especially since they provoked unending tears from her). Her second speech was entitled, "My Dearest Emily"- and was a tribute to how much she's learned from me and felt my support. She mentioned that she knew how much I would miss it here, but she didn't want them (the students) to hold me back from pursuing my education... because they (the students) know already how much I love them. It was so moving, perhaps one of the most sincere displays of affection I have ever received!

A few of the student council members who read the letters I had written told me they cried and cried- and read it over and over. Some might think this type of emotion is sappy or something- but truly I can't help feeling the opposite. Sappy is something silly...and the relationships I've developed with these students are anything but silly. (I'm tearing up as I write)... and I guess I've never in my life felt more sadness at a life transition than I do right now. I'm leaving after two years... but the people I love here aren't moving on- they remain in their world here, which is so much different than any transition I've experienced. At college everyone is moving on, it is only a temporary setting... but here- this is more than preparation for life...it is life, and to be leaving people with whom I've shared life is so difficult!

Ah, to be entering another temporary world- I look forward to life at Princeton, I really do, but I know I will miss everything about this place and these people. My heart was reborn here, in a sense, and I'm leaving bits of my heart all over the place here! So, here's to anyone from my life at Pine Ridge who might be reading this- I will always love you, and I will always cherish the bits of my heart which I now leave behind.

Transition is great, but oh so difficult, but great. :)

Em

Oh, what a month!!!

Greetings from a crazy-busy and emotional student activities director~

The past two weeks have been so full of wonderful, saddening, and mostly memorable experiences... I will once again do a portrayal of past events in a picture slide-show. :)

Before I begin telling the various stories, I want to say that today was the final day for seniors in school. I am surprisingly unemotional. No tears. Weird, I know. However, I doubt I will be able to hold back the tears at Baccalaureate tonight, or at graduation on Saturday. This class is full of beautiful souls who have given me such joy (remember my uninhibited skipping from last year's posts?) Yes, these are the student catalysts. The students whom I feel closest to, with the exception of the Student Council. Alas, they are all excited and nervous, tentative and chomping at the bit. What a remarkable time in everyone's life, especially for students here on the Rez. At this point, they are the cream of the crop on the Reservation, and should be darn proud of it! At this point, only God can provide a path toward further success in their lives, and this is why I feel okay leaving them. I know they're still in good hands.

Okay, now for a run-down of my life events... :)

Two weekends ago I went home for my brother's college graduation, and AJ came with me! It was a wonderful time, being able to see my siblings, grandparents, and parents. It was also great fun to be playing outside like I was 8 years old again! This time, with AJ pretending to throw me off his shoulders! The entire weekend was splendid and it made me anxious for more care-free summer days ahead!

This is a group of random volunteers along with past and present Red Cloud Students- we are all posing at the Senior Pow-wow (Inipi), even though none of us are seniors.

I spent last weekend with this darling girl, Daisa, whom I've spoken of often on this blog. She and I presented together at the Board of Director's meeting regarding the relational impact volunteers and students can have on one another. She is a gem, let me tell you, and she spoke with such openness and eloquence, I was so proud that she considers me a big sister. Last week she actually presented me with a huge collage she had been working on as a 'going away' gift of sorts, and she also wrote me a moving letter about the impact I have had on her life. Needless to say, this girl has brought me to tears more than once, and she continues to be one of the biggest delights I have encountered during my time here at Red Cloud.


Me, again, posing with a group of freshman-junior guys at the senior pow wow. Three of the students (to the right of me) are running for the top positions in student council next year. Let's just say that I hope they transform this (self-proclaimed) popularity contest into productive work next year!

Awe, my beautiful senior sister Saige and I at the powwow! I goofed up a bit on this one- Saige Pourier has been a really close student of mine, and she was one of the first students to really work at developing a relationship with me, which I appreciated immensely. Anyway- she had an honoring at the powwow- during which she intended to present me with a start quilt...only I was late, and missed it! Whoops! I felt horrible, and when I walked in late, she just shook her head at me in a sassy, 'I'm pretending to be mad at you" way. It was embarrassing for me, yet good to accept her forgiving nature as well. She truly is a beautiful beautiful young woman!

Ah, yes- the Student Council posters which were added one at a time to my office windows. I was really pleased with the campaigning for next year's slots- All the students running have really stepped up their efforts of advertizing, and it is so much fun... I thought I'd take a picture of my windows! And in case you're interested, we will be voting tomorrow in English classes for the new student council. Don't hold your breath, whatever shall be, shall be. :)

Back-track to my brother's graduation- here he is, along with the rest of us siblings (and Meggie and AJ- new additions to the family). My sister from Texas was even able to come for the visit- hurray for surprises which end up to not be surprises (I guess none of us are good at keeping secrets from one another). :)

AJ and my random "angry" faces. Who looks more upset? Probably me, but I do have to say AJ has a bit of ferocious in his face! I love being goofy with this guy... he's such a good sport with my family- oh, and did I mention we played football against Meggie and Clint- and totally cleaned house (with the help of our dear quarterback Alison)! :)

*Random story without a photo- I have another story which falls under the category of 'unfortunate events' in the life of Emily...or as my student Chandler said, "only a minor setback in life, Emily." whatever title it is given, here's the scoop. Two days ago, as Emily was lifting weights, the heat was intense, and Emily was lazy. Thus, she wore open-toe sandals instead of her usual tennis shoe apparel. Well, little did she realize that the very last lift of the day would reveal the mistake that was, 'wearing sandals'- okay, let me be forward. I dropped a weight on my big toe!!! And it hurt. Throbbed, mostly, and bled for about 24 hours. I was slightly concerned about the well-being of my toe nerves; however, these past two days- along with the miraculous work of a loving God- have produced amazing results! I no longer have pain, and although it looks a little funky- my toe is basically intact. Yey!!!

That's my life in a nutshell. I've also been busy with the student council cookout, house meetings, after-school program, getting blasted with water by some hyper seniors (in my office, nonetheless), and trying to balance my emotions of sadness at leaving these kids and the sheer joy of summer ahead.

Until you hear from my busy little heart and mind again, peace to you and your families. I am off to read to the 3rd grade right now. What a blast! :)

Love and teethy smiles,

Em

It's May....

This reality hit me quite hard a few days ago.

It's May, and with May comes so many events... 1. Saying goodbye to many of my dear volunteer friends and housemates. 2. Graduation & Saying goodbye to the wonderful seniors and fabulous underclass students I will be leaving. 3. Saying goodbye to the 30+ faculty I have come to love here at Red Cloud. 4. Saying goodbye to my sister who will be moving to Japan.

The common thread is saying goodbye, which is one of the most difficult moments in life for me. I know that I have been processing this transition for months now, and I anticipate that I will be as ready as I can be- but the moment of goodbye is excruciatingly painful- albeit relatively brief- and I never look forward to its arrival.

I have grown so much in my two years of life here among many faithful Lakota friends, Jesuits, volunteers, and students. Honestly my growth has been extremely relational, which is why ending the relationships as I now know them will be the hardest part of my end here at Red Cloud. I will miss the freedom of my position here, but not as much as the students who delight me with their presence. I will miss my living conditions, but not as much as I miss the gracious folks who taught me to be a better, more sincere housemate. I will miss the Lakota traditions, practices, and language- but not as much as I lament the loss of daily presence among my good Lakota friends.

I am also experiencing such a contrast of feelings, since I am thoroughly excited for my future- the craziness of a summer spent in many places- and getting to meet my first niece and spend the first 7 weeks of her life by her side. I am also highly anticipating my new experiences at Princeton Seminary in the fall; however, I know the transition to student life will be a bit tough at first, and I will dearly miss the start of school here at Red Cloud. All things considered (like the NPR radio program!) :):) I will be grounded in joy and thanksgiving through every change, but I hope to be open to feeling the totality of my emotions, as I believe that is the best medicine for change.

My life is also taking on new direction since being in relationship with AJ Munger. I have been learning so much about being a supportive, fun, and sincere girlfriend (and a LOT about how I need to grow yet as a person). I have also learned the many differences between males and females! :):) Now, if you know me at all, you will agree that I am a proponent of seeing the commonalities between genders. Lets just say this relationship has been a bit of a reality check, coming to understand that despite the many similarities, some differences definitely stand out more than I was previously willing to admit! :) This new dimension in my life will also be helpful through other changes, as I know that AJ will be supportive and loving through everything.

Finally, I will also be more than a bit sad to be ending this blogsite. I can hope that someday I will re-visit this "Pine Ridge Reflections" in another era of life, but the future is so unknown, and no promises can be made. I will continue through June to post, as I have plans to work with the RC summer school program.... but after that, this blog will continue to exist in its current state, without the addition of further pine ridge exploration. Sad thought. I know.

I also want to express my unending appreciation of your support as readers and occasional responders to my blog. I know this has been a great tool to update friends and family with my life- and I'm not anticipating this for my seminary experience (come on, how much does everyone really care to hear about my systematic theology course?) :):) But I would be interested in giving updates to those who are excited about reading them...I currently don't have a clear understanding of who that would be. (Okay, those who respond to this, I do know you!)- But Sas, I imagine you'll forego the systematic theology, huh? :)

This is the ending of my introspective post. Thanks for living inside my mind and heart today... I always appreciate the ability to share my thoughts. :) You are all rockstars in your own way, so never give up living on stage! :)

Sending my love and smiles,

Emily