Hello Faithful and New Friends alike,
I initially tried to post this several days ago, and it wasn't until I decided to check out my blog for comments did I realize that it never posted, and much of what I had written didn't save either... so here's to my love/hate relationship with technology. :)
I have picked a title for this blog which reflects the feelings currently permeating the air of Red Cloud High School. I tell you what... even though I sometimes feel as if life directs me to dramatic moments at times... I have to admit that I hate drama. Especially when it causes fractions between students (all of whom I know are precious in their own state of being)...
Love. Well, this is an interesting concept here... since it is Valentine's day soon, and I have the great pleasure of listening to the relationship episodes in many of the students' lives. So, this is what "Love" means in the lives of my darling students...are you ready for this tragic but true analysis? The perceived "love" of high schoolers (one for another) often translates to... I'll like/love you when it's convenient, but I always keep my options open. (I've heard one student say, "Play them before they play you- that's what it's like here on the Rez, idnit?") Keeping options open at a young age isn't inherently a bad idea, but the reality of how this takes place, and the emotional destruction which occurs, is a horrible consequence. Students feel extremely committed (more so than I sometimes give them credit for) and their vulnerable identities long for a sense of stability...which they will not and cannot find in this environment of dating infidelity. It's similar to the trend of infidelity so commonly seen across the nation.. in real homes and homes on the big screen. My response is- why? why does it have to be this way? where does the cycle begin again in a healthy fashion? I have yet to find the answers. Even so, some students give me hope.
Crushes. Speaking of those students, crush-grams have provided endless amounts of entertainment for me this week. Several students have stopped in to order them- and the stack of order forms is piling high! I am in awe of the sweetness which many students have exhibited toward one another, both in the sending of crush grams to friends, and in the grams sent anonymously to secret crushes. It is these moments and sincere acts of kindness which instill a sense of hope, even amidst the reality of the tragic relationship situations which exist here and everywhere.
Prom. Its like any big event of which I inevitably am forced to ask this question : "Do the ends really outweigh the means?" SO MUCH DRAMA exists in the realm of prom preparation. Even students I deeply admire for their ability to reflect on situations thoughtfully- are coming to me with horrible gripes and nasty comments about "the junior class" in general. As if they all get together at their junior class meetings and say, "Hey, how can we make the senior class think we're absolutely horrible and don't care at all about prom?" I have reflected with the students on both sides of the divide, and I have come to realize that effective communication would dissipate drama nearly entirely! Yet it is easier to gripe and complain rather than address issues with appropriate conversations. Ah, the joys and struggles of working with high schoolers. :)
My Life. I am actually sensing many transitions in my life right now- and while I still thoroughly enjoy my position here, I also know it's time to move on, and so I can feel myself beginning even now to deal with the separation I will encounter when I leave Red Cloud. It does not have to be a negative thing, since I hope to leave my mark in a good way- and say goodbye with sincerity and with intention of continuing a relationship with the place and people of Red Cloud. However, I must (partially for my own sanity) continue to separate myself in a subtle and gradual way from my identity being 'a part of' Red Cloud. Now Red Cloud will be a part of my identity, but only a part. My time here has certainly shaped many of my current perspectives, but I know that it is not enough to let myself be changed for a time; I must always be adapting my perspectives according to my many life experiences- the next of which will involve studying at Princeton Seminary!
Okay- it is now time to see if my publishing skills are still intact (i.e. posting a blog), as I try once again to charm my way into the loving world of technology. As AJ says, though, computers rarely make mistakes. It's generally the person operating who is in error. Good thing my situation is an exception to that rule! :):)
Sending my love on this rainy Monday morning,
6 months ago